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[boneofsword]

"Archer here."

[ TEXT x VOICE x VIDEO x ACTION ]

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[futhark]

[ Moody. What a nice way to put it... ]

I haven't been drinking ever since we've returned to the temple.

[ Which means probably less than an hour ago. The alcohol dehydrates so does sauna. Oops.]

But I think I can manage.

[boneofsword]

[Archer just sighs and reaches underneath the bench where bottled water is hidden. It's warm, sure, but it won't give Caster hyphodermic shock.]

Here. [he hands the bottle.]

[Archer is wondering what happened to have him drunk. Sure, Caster's the type to drink and be merry at parties, but he's not someone that drinks himself under the table. Despite his happy-go-lucky attittude he's a warrior first.]

It's been a long night.

[futhark]

Like-- you have no idea. [ Caster snorts without amusement, and immediately downs the content of the bottle in one go. He sighs and feels the familiar 'too hot' tingle around his nostrils.

Yeah maybe the sauna wasn't that good of idea, but is he going to back off? Nope. ]

But hey- it was fun to see you dance. You practiced when no one was looking?

[boneofsword]

Yes, with a broom. [Archer deadpans just to see what kind of face will Caster make. He's keeping an eye on him to ensure nothing hapens.

Hm, is it possible that Mr. Certified Skirt Chaser went after a woman that did not welcome his advances andtold so in not uncertain terms?]

[futhark]

[ You could phrase it like that. The funny thing, that it's second time when his lost chances are very directly related to Archer. One time it was just because of something he did. Now it's because he simply exists.

Awesome, huh? ]

Seriously..? [ Because it's a deadpan it's impossible to tell whether Archer is joking or not. ] In training hall? When no one was looking, or what...

[boneofsword]

[That's what Archer himself would find very hard to believe. Good that he has no idea.]

No, while cleaning. [still deadpan, though he's starting to smirk. Just enjoy the mental image for now, Caster.]

[futhark]

[ HE MIGHT YET LEARN! FEAR NOT ]

... [ Caster would want to find a witty remark aside from the weak "you're so full of shit as usual, Archer" but he's too relaxed from the heat and steam to think straight. Or maybe it's the alcohol. But then the retort dawns on him ] Were you singing too?

[ You know, like a proper Disney princess ]

[boneofsword]

I can't sing. [rather he never tried to, but why should he? Archer thinks he has no need to sing.]

[futhark]

Shame... [ That would be something worth making fun of. Caster wanted to continue somehow, follow up with... something. But he stares into the wall blankly, until he takes a water bucket and splashes part of its content onto the hot stones, emitting a new cloud of steam.

Much better.

Yeah, he's not his usual chatty self, but when he returns to the bench, he's a lot closer to Archer, because- he's just going to lie down on that bench and take most of space. ]

[boneofsword]

[Archer just... raises a brow. That's more than Caster being moody, that's Caster in a rare mood. Yet he's wary of starting the guessing game, thinking that his god won't appreciate that. After all, he's not his nanny caretaker.

Still, when Caster all but sprawls on the bench, Archer can't stop the quip.]

Show-off.

[...well, he does appreciate the view. Caster is a fine man indeed.]

[futhark]

[ This would earn Archer an elbow in the ribs, but that's kind of impossible right now. So instead he gets a playful punch there ]

I'm just relaxing, how is that even showing off?

[ He huffs ]

Wake me up I fall asleep.

[ You really shouldn't do that in a sauna! ]

[boneofsword]

[Archer gives him that unimpressed, flat look he reserves for special occasions. Specifically moments like this one.]

...are you trying to die on me, Caster?

[He leans closer to check on him.]

[futhark]

Tch. [ Caster frowns, without opening his eyes, making a dumb face along the way, but makes a point to not respond.

Yes of course, he's dead. Totally, and utterly dead. Why else would he be here if not to die?

See, see how dead he is? ]

[boneofsword]

[So very dead, oh yes. Archer checks his forehead, just in case, and then picks him up bridal style.]

Then I can't leave you here.

[He's leaving the sauna now, and carried like that Caster has a chance to examine all of his scars.]

[futhark]

[ A chance lost, because he's more bothered by the fact of being forcibly removed from the sauna- ]

Hey--! Let me down! The fuck you think you're doing?! [ At least his voice is as strong and as loud as ever, because his attempt at getting out of the hold are a lot less successful.

Alcohol + sauna, bad combination. Hopefully he won't make Archer trip over. ]

[boneofsword]

[While Archer does avoid letting go of his god he's less lucky with the towel wrapped around his hips that loosens during the struggle.... and almost - almost - causes him to trip. He spins so that his shoulder takes the brunt of the impact as he hits the wall.]

Stop that, or I'll carry you like sack of potatoes.

[futhark]

[ Have an elbow in the face ]

Don't carry me at all!!

[ He can walk. He's not dying. Nor fainting. Just feeling a little dizzy, yeah, now even more as they leave the sauna and air feels so cold-

Seriously, he's a grown-up man, he's tough™ for gods sake, contain your viscious nanny streak, archer ]

[boneofsword]

[Archer takes only a step forward when the elbow hits his face and there's the sudden sensation of falling--

Splash!

--as they land in cold water, Archer again twisting so that Caster will have mostly safe landing on him instead of underneath.]

[futhark]

[ You're not supposed to jump into this cold water right innnnnnn!! ]

Gah..!! [ Caster gasps for air and just tries to crawl halfway out of the tub. ]

Archer!! Why are you like this-!

[ Why his luck is like this. Nope, nothing goes good tonight. ]

[boneofsword]

[The fun-fact is that Caster has better luck than Archer does. He ends with his head in water, a courtesy of trying to ensure his god won't drown. Luckily he's holding his breath, but Archer still coughs one he can sit up without being knocked back under the water.]

You hit me in face, what were you expecting?

[futhark]

[ Ah yes, chilling in the tub of cold water. Perfect. Caster just snorts at this stupidity, now that he cooled down a little ]

You forcibly dragged me out of my relax spot, what did you expect?

[ Why did you dislike him lying on that bench so much? If you wanted space you could say so ]

[boneofsword]

You're getting too dehydrated. [Archer sighs. The situation is truly amusing, with him completely naked sitting in the cold water and Caster still having his towel, albeit a bit loosened, wrapped really low on the hips.]

Your well-being is my main concern, that's why.

[futhark]

As if nakedness ever bothered Caster before. Especially in the sauna, or in a bath that's like a normal thing. If he ever started going to local onsens, he'd adapt immediately to not using towels-

Got it. I will remember to never go swimming with you. [ Which is a shame, cause there are so many nice waterparks and poolhouses in this city. But he's not going to risk having his fun ruined by a sudden rescue-- ] Or sauna.

[ case in point ]

You worry too much, you know? It will give you wrinkles. [ Caster kicks Archer lightly in the chest, and crawls out of the tub. ]

[boneofsword]

[Archer just sighs with exasperation. He's trying to be a responsible one here, and all he gets is elbow in face and drowning attempts.]

I will remember to not spoil your fun, as long as you don't take stupid risks.

[...and additional kick. Wow. Luckily he's steady enough to avoid another drowning attempt.] Only when I have valid reasons to.

[Archer waits until Caster gets out of the tub to get up, and goes straight to snatch his towel. While he's not self-conscious he's not really thrilled to show all of his scars.]

[futhark]

I mean, do I even look drunk to you?

[ Caster turns around, puts his hands on his hips and- idk, it looked like a good idea in his head when he started. ]

Yeah, I can stand straight, not much of a proof... [ And he casually waves it off. Some VERY drunk people could probably not even stand straight, sure. But that's not a level he's aspiring to right now. Neither it is the point he's trying to make- ]

But! Being overly serious makes you lose opportunities! [ Now he points shoots his hand in front of him, pointing at Archer. At least he's not close anymore, because he is going to drop a bomb- get ready for it Archer... ] Like a chance to relax and bond with your boyfriend in a sauna!

[ "Boyfriend." At least if a good portion of the people at party is to be believed, that's what they are supposedly are. That's probably what this dumb shinki wants too. And Caster is too drunk to care about brain-to-mouth filter- not that he had much of it in first place ]